You Seriously Can't Make this Stuff Up

On the off chance that the firehose of vindictiveness and cruelty spewing out of Washington isn’t filling your daily existence with enough to be incredulous about, I have decided to highlight an item of news that stands out for its sheer audacity, effrontery, and ridiculousness. My hope is that doing so will bring you a moment of levity, and perhaps a reminder that living with integrity and decency matters even more in a world that is rife impropriety and vulgarity.

Rick Singer is back! Fresh from a 16-month stint in federal prison after pleading guilty to money laundering, fraud, and obstruction of justice, the mastermind of the “Varsity Blues” admissions scandal is back in the game and ready to help your child navigate the college search process. In a lengthy podcast interview with The Chronicle of Higher Education’s Jack Stripling, Singer says that he was “100% wrong” while assuring all who will listen that the only misdeed he's actually guilty of is getting caught.

If central casting is ever looking for the quintessential aging frat bro who ceased evolving as a human being at the moment he did his first keg stand, they need look no further than Rick Singer. Insofar as narcissists of his magnitude are masters of self-deception, it’s not hard to understand how this arrogant grifter disingenuously admits wrongdoing while simultaneously exonerating himself. But I struggle to understand how a smarmy, self-aggrandizing name-dropper like Singer ever managed to weasel his way to winning the confidence of so many seemingly smart and successful clients and contacts. Singer’s tortured logic and pathological rationalization bring to mind the dozens Monday morning conversations I had with first-year students who couldn't explain how they ended up in the emergency room with a .23 blood alcohol level after consuming “no more than two or three beers” on Saturday night. He's Eddie Haskell with a rap sheet and a who’s who of college presidents and admissions deans on speed dial. A mere innocent who was just trying to help the hapless progeny of the uber wealthy figure out the college admissions process until he unwittingly stumbled into the nefarious clutches of the FBI.

But fear not sports fans, because the deep state hasn’t stopped Rick Singer! After a year and a half honing his backhand in FPC Pensacola (a facility that sounds more like a retreat center for white collar ne'er do wells than a federal penitentiary – but you say to-may-to, they say to-mah-to) and offering pro bono college counseling to the offspring of his fellow inmates, Rick is getting back into admissions consulting. Finally free from that tacky ankle bracelet, he's poised to make a killing in the college athletics underworld of NIL (name, image, and likeness) and the transfer portal. Singer, who mind you, could not pass a criminal background check to work at McDonald’s let alone any school in the country, claims he had “20 or 30 calls” from people seeking his professional help in the first day he was out of prison. So, America’s elite – both the well heeled parents of prospective students and higher education leaders – are allegedly lining up with cash in hand for the indispensable wisdom that only Rick Singer (aka prisoner number 01452-138) can provide. In the immortal words of Bill the Cat, “Ack!”  

There is little doubt that the profoundly self-delusional admissions guru is exaggerating the level of interest in his services that actually exists. But it’s hard to believe that there won’t be some incredibly lucrative market for this snake oil salesman as he slithers back into the world of college admissions consulting. Sadly, the market is especially good for ex-con conmen on the rebound these days.

And so, because you seriously can’t make this stuff up, with thumb and forefinger firmly pinching my nose, I give you Rick Singer – criminal mastermind, convicted felon, and active independent admissions consultant.